The Question

It hasn't happened recently. But today, walking over to 34, I met a distant neighbor and she asked the question.

How is your family doing, Margaret? How is Elizabeth doing?

It is a sincere question. It is a kind question. It shows interest and concern. It shows one is aware that everything is not the way it should be.

But how is the question answered?

I think we seem to be okay. We are all getting up in the morning, getting dressed, going to work and school.

But is that any indication of how everyone is doing?

We've gone on a vacation, had a modified "camp", invited friends over for lunch and dinner. We've renovated an apartment and bought a house. We've tended established gardens and developed new borders. We've cooked and cleaned, attended concerts and musicals. We've gone to church as a family. We're discussing politics. We've had house guests, family and friends.

We've been busy. We've been quiet.

And yet........

How are we?

There are seven of us now in this immediate family, Laura is with us and she is one of us.

And we are all different.

And we are just now coming together to talk with each other. We're all suffering from our lose, but each in his different way. We each have different concerns and struggles. And we express them differently. But we are beginning to share with each other intimately. And that is good. It is not good to bear grief silently or alone. This I know.

We need each other and listening to each others struggles can bring light and help to each of us.

I have taken to writing. I have filled my journal. I write about my griefs, my sorrows, my hopes, my anger, my inabilities, my questions and my struggles. The verses from Psalms which give me stability and a course to follow are written and the constant seeking for His counsel, direction, and guidance as we all move forward.

I write it. The writing about Christian's life and death seems to get me outside this whole thing. Whatever this whole thing is. It's not an experience, a situation to be glossed over. This is her life and it is ours as a family.

But what I really want to do is right it. I want to make it right for Elizabeth.

I'm a fixer. This particular mom is a fixer, always wanting to make everything right for my little clan.

But I can not fix this. The consequesnces of death are irrevocable and irreversable, permanent, without the possibility of having a "do over".

We share tears with each other more readily now. But I think that is good. Tears are cleansing and releasing of our buried sorrow. We cried for weeks initially but had to stop. We've cried privately and now at times together, weeping for things that would not be and futures not to be shared. We have memories, yes, we have memories but those really do not meet the need. We want the person, the flesh and blood, real life Christian.

We have each other and we have the Lord. We have this dear community of friends and neighbors. We have our church family, many who have come alongside us in so many ways.

So I think we are okay.

The answer to the question, is she is okay, are we are okay? No, we'll never be the same but....

Yes. Yes, I think we are going to be okay.