Blooming Orchids

It is blooming again. It is the fourth set of blooms since I recieved this orchid. Ryan and Danica set it to me after my mom died two and half years ago. And when it blooms, I spend many happy minutes thinking about them and my mom.


I actually can not grow indoor plants. Strange as that may seem. But this little orchid keeps blooming and bringing warm memories of a wonderful mom and two special friends.

Perspective

"And being in agony......" Luke 22:44.

I was stopped in my tracks this morning. Where were his friends? Where was his family? I've read this passage hundreds of times but it sunk into my inner most being this morning. And it melted my heart.

I see his closest friends asleep. His three main men, asleep, resting, not even praying with him or for him. It is almost incomprehensible that his friends and disciples did not know that he was in agony, sweating drops of blood. I'm sure that was not done silently. Where was his family? His mom, his brothers and sisters. He was so alone that God had to send "an angel" to strengthen him. Even he can not do this alone. No one was there "for him". No one. No one. And then even his Father left him. Utterly alone.

And I am again reflecting on the knowledge that He was tempted as we are but yet without sin. I think I would have been angry or at least disappointed and filled with self pity. I am comforted again, with the verse from Hebrews which tells me that He is easily touched with the feelings of our infirmities. He knows from personal experience. And I am sad for him and so thankful that he persisted with the plan and didn't give up. He loved us so much, even when we were oblivious and sleepy, tired and discouraged with our own problems.

And I thought about that day in November when Elizabeth's world came crashing down.

Elizabeth called early and I was still in my pajamas and bathrobe. Her voice shaky, she did not know really what was happening but she had heard....... there was a crash. I prayed with her, "call me right back". Then I called the Sinclairs and spoke with Darlene. Please contact everyone to pray, there has been a crash but we don't know anything. Rob is in surgery but he must be told. A call to the hospital. And I want to be caught away and be "found" in Frontana Freda so I can hold Elizabeth and pray with her and stand with her, in person, in the flesh. My child is experiencing agony and her Dad and I are not there with her and we need to be.

And then a knock at the back door. Rick and Darlene were there. Did I not just call them to pray? But they came. Soon after Mike was there. Rob came home, all surgeries cancelled. And we began doing. And we continued praying. Calling for tickets to Italy, praying, calling family, calling the Army, praying. Then I saw Colin and Carol, they had come to 42 East Main from work. Judy came. Susan came. Carina came. Some had jobs securing airline tickets for us, some prayed, everyone had phones, trying to get information. And the house filled with family from church and the neighborhood. People standing with us, supporting us, working with us. People being there "for us". We had people, as the commercial says, Jesus did not.

Elizabeth and I called each other every ten minutes, just to be in contact with each other. "Darlene, would you do the calling so that I can take a shower? "Yes, of course." "We have said we would call each other every ten minutes or less." No matter what Rob and I will be in Italy as soon as we can.

And then the phone call that we did not want and our world collapsed. And sons far away had to be told, a mom, dad and family had to be told, friends and family had to be told. And the "family" in the house stayed and cried and they were with us. They did not abandon us and run away. They did not pretend that they did not know us.

Can you come with Rob and I to Italy? We are going now. Of course, we will come. We will be there with you and for you. And they did. And they were.

Carol, please try to get in touch with Elizabeth and Jon's friends. Here are their emails and phone numbers. They need to know. Elizabeth and Jon will need them, their love, their heartache, their comfort.

In her darkest hour Elizabeth had friends and family. They surrounded her and they would not leave her. Family that she had established in Italy. I spoke with Tony, whom I now know and love. He was with her, he was holding her. He was there for her when we could not be.

Jesus's friends and commrades did abandon him. He was in agony and he was alone. His mom comes to the crucifiction and I don't know how she stood there, watching him. No mom wants bad things to happen to their children, no matter how much revelation she has about the situation. I know her agony probably matched his.

And I'm realizing anew and afresh Jesus's sacrifice for a world that was not looking for him. A love that I simply can not fathom or understand it's depth. But a new appreciation springs up in my heart for one that will not leave us or forsake us in our darkness. No matter what. A friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Discovery

Elizabeth and I were out and about yesterday exploring. And for all you who knit or sew, we discovered a gem right in the middle of Rensselaer Falls, NY.

Fiber Options is a new quilting fabrics and quality yarn store right here in upstate NY. It just opened six months ago and the inventory of both is just amazing. The variety of gorgeous yarns and fabrics made me want to start knitting and sewing again. Did you know that some yarns are made out of bamboo?

It is located in an old downtown store which the present owners have lovingly restored to a beautiful shop. They have all sorts of classes from beginning quilting to more advance and offer knitting classes and a Sunday afternoon "sitting around the fire knitting together" with advanced knitters who can help one with their project if needed.

I spoke with the owner at length, a lovely lady who was raised in Rensselaer Falls and had nostalgic feelings towards the store which had been boarded up for some time and was slated to be torn down. She lives in Sandwich on Cape Cod, which is the oldest village on the Cape,(Rob and I stayed there last summer and feel in love with the village. Thorton Burgess, my favorite children's author, was born there too) but decided to purchase the building to prevent it's destruction and she and her daughter have transformed it into this lovely cozy place. She's done a great job. She told me that people have traveled 100 miles to get there. When we were there yesterday a couple of people were working on quilts in their upstairs classroom. An elderly gentleman was intently piecing his quilt on a large table, very endearing. The ladies who work there are very helpful.

It's worth the trip out there for all those who enjoy those hobbies!

Abiding

We, no, I have rest, joy, peace in the realization of being kept by Him when I can not do it myself.

Abiding in Jesus; a fellowship of life.

The strong vine holding the weak branches so securely, tenderly, continuously.

The Challenge

Abiding in Christ

For the past several weeks I have been reading scriptures, meditating on the words, concepts, meanings and implications of those scriptures and trying to apply those scriptures to my life, and my daughters new life. Abiding in Christ. What does abiding in Christ really mean? "In Christ or In Him", phrases peppered throughout the New Testament. Abiding, living, taking up residence, making a home with, being a branch, staying....

They are written so often that one can totally miss them or read through them without a thought. They are everywhere, the Gospels, Ephesians, Colossians, I John etc. It seems easy when everything is going well, when things are all right in the universe, my universe, my daughter's universe. But I know they apply and are true in these times too. They must be, I have staked my life, present and future, on them.

I had a challenge Sunday. I was leaving for church alone. Laura was off at a friends house, Liz was still recooping from the previous weekend and job interview, and Rob was ministering healing in his own tangible way, operating on an elderly woman, ten miles down the road. I pulled the car out of the garage to leave and then pulled back in. What was the sense of going? I sat there for a moment and then realized, "I'm going to be with my family. My family is there and that is why I'm going." And in the midst of my family, my Father met me in Psalm 145, with assurances but also with unanswered questions. And He wasn't afraid of those questions.
Verses 18-20 are in that Psalm too, right at the end. Promises or truths. But I have many questions regarding those verses and their reality in our lives over the past few months. And I know that we do not see the beginning from the end. We are living in the present and now it is a mystery, not a revelation.

And then this morning another challenge came in Hebrews 3. Yes, I will hold fast my confidence and my rejoicing of the hope firm to the end. It is a choice, a hard choice at times, to rejoice and know that our hope is trustworthy. We take it by faith and not feelings. For where else would we go, for He has the words of life. God has been faithful in the past and will continue to be. In the fourth chapter I read that we have a great high priest, that is passed into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, so we should hold fast our profession. For we have not a high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities. And I think that maybe He was crying too when she was last night. So I come boldly to the throne of grace, so that we all but especially Elizabeth may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in her time of need.

BEING ATTENDED TO......

I don't know why it is but one can, and on a regular basis we usually do, ignore pleasure. We really live in a beautiful world, surrounded by color, diverse textures, gorgeous landscapes, vivid sunrises and sunsets, rainbows, gardens, snow and ice, waterfalls, architecture, and a miriad of other things. Visual sensations given by a loving Father to his children for their enjoyment. And yet we take that for granted so often. We're too busy to notice. We live in a wonderful country; able to enjoy freedoms of speech, pursuit of careers, participation in one's faith, commitment to a family, involvement in government, dedication to community and friendships. Most of us enjoy a bountiful array of wonderful food, nutritious and delicious. Pleasures. Wonderful pleasures that we all enjoy each day, usually without commenting on their presence.

But pain insists upon being attended to.

I fell down the back stairs a few weeks ago and try as I might to ignore my symptoms, I did have to go to the hospital and receive treatment for fractured ribs. I was in agony, excruiciating pain. I could not move, either to lay down, bend over, sit or walk. I did try to ignore the pain but IT was insistant that I attend to it. There was no other way.

So to, with this grief and pain that my daughter is experiencing. It must be attended to. It demands attention because it is always present, like some unwanted visitor, intruding into her space, invading her privacy, surpressing her joy. It is here and present. And we can not ignore it like we do with yet another wonderful dinner, a stunning sunset or spectacular view. She has survived but the going forward, yes, that is difficult and how to do it is the question.

Does she ignore it and hope for the best? No, that is an impossibility. She has experienced the death of a husband who was loved and cherished and it is real and final for this lifetime. And that brings pain, lose, grief and sorrow which reaches out to her and us on a daily basis. And ignoring it is not an option. The pain and lose demand being attended to.

Does she confront it and see where she finds herself at the end of the engagement? Diversion seems her best option for the present. And perhaps survival for the sort term is the answer.

I am again trying to study and understand the concept of abiding in Christ. Not only understand that aspect, so necessary for our faith to grow and prosper, but to live in it's reality. The idea of always, everyday, in all circumstances, abiding and continuing in Jesus seems almost too high to attain to. But it must be a reality. HE says it is not only a possibility but a gift and a way of life, attainable for each of us who desires it. Abiding in Him, despite our weaknesses and griefs, entrusting ourselves to the Holy one to be kept. We seem so weak, so sad at times. so limited to be what we want to be, what she wants to be; happy and with Christian. But I cast my family on the one who is altogether trustworthy and true. And depend on Him to be true to us, the ones who are living here and need the performance of His Word in our natural life.

I will, yes, I will trust in His sympathy for us, believe in His love to us, and wait, oh, that is hard, wait for His guidance and direction to each of us. It will be given.

Unofficial Valentine's Day

We had a red, pink and blue day yesterday. We didn't officially celebrate Valentine's Day but we did have a special dinner with special place settings and gift bags on each plate. And candles lite all over the downstairs. We did that because I love the three people that came for dinner that night.

Dinner had to be delayed, an emergency surgical procedure. The steaks were put in a bit before 8:00pm, Elizabeth had made her garlic red potatoes, also our favorite broccoli casserole and squash were on the table. Our favorite chocolate cake with yummy chocolate icing was the dessert treat. The girls received lavender shirts from Banana, Elizabeth tells me lavender is in this spring, Dad got a jazz CD and jordon almonds and Mom got white leather Coach gloves from her favorite girl. We had a great dinner and great fellowship.

And yet, we are missing one. Another holiday, another occassion, another event and he is not present with Elizabeth who loved him. We know, and our faith tells us, and we believe that we will all be together again, reunited soon, someday. But she misses him in the here and now. And that hurts and bewilders those intimately involved. But sometimes we say nothing because that hurts less, sometimes.

Again

Yes, it is snowing again. Yesterday about three inches and last night about seven inches.

It is soft and white; beautiful, clean with crystals and flakes; sparkling, bright, slipperly; and it is difficult. Our village is having trouble keeping the sidewalks plowed and walkable. But they clean the snow off the golf course walking trail with a truck so we are still able to walk. And the dogs love it.

Beauty in the Midst of Hardship and Severity

Elizabeth and I took a road trip to NYC last week. We left in the midst of an ice storm and came back in the same. We started out and wondered if we should at least go back and get the Suburban, but continued on and at Blue Mountain Lake, the summit at that point of the Adirondacks, it miraculously turned into a completely different driving situation. Dry pavement and sunny skies the rest of the way and we were only slowed down by the major traffic congestion at the George Washington Bridge.

On the trip back home we were noticing and appreciating how beautiful the landscape was. I'm not sure you can appreciate the beauty of the scenery from my pictures. Much to Elizabeth's chagrin I took over 90 pictures trying to capture the majesty, glamour, sparkle and beauty of the trees, snow, and ice. And I did not really achieve my purpose, but the decidious trees especially were so magnificent. Their branches were totally encased with ice and then dusted with snow, blown up and around by the wind. It was like they were all encrusted with diamonds, sparkling in the crisp winter air, warmed by the blanket of snow.

And our first thought was that it was so beautiful to look at but it was so treacherous for us as we were driving. We were enjoying the beauty but we were in a dangerous situation. But then I thought, how much harder it must be for the trees. They certainly looked beautiful but at what cost? Some were upright and straight, regal, but some were bent down, labored with the heavy ice and snow that had encased them. Still others had completely snapped. Their trunks and branches were now on the ground, never to grow upwards again. Others were completely torn up, even the roots were exposed.

I am not making any analogies to our current situation. I don't believe God brings devestation and agony to families to make them beautiful. No, Jesus already did that when He took our punishment, our snow and ice, our penalty and gave us beauty for His pain, for His seperation from His father whom He had always been in close communion with. And God is good, he does good. However it is an interesting concept to meditate on. Pain, sorrow, disappointment, accidents and death are in the world and they happen to people. People that we love. People like us. Yes, they happen to my family and like Job, maybe God will not give us an answer as to why it happened, right now, or maybe never.

I do know that we sang a hymn at Redeemer two weeks ago that I had not sung in at least 25 years; HOW FIRM A FOUNDATION, and it brought hope and encouragement to me.

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord.
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word.
What more can He say then to you he hath said;
To you who for refuge to Jesus have fled.

"Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am your God, I will still give thee aid;
I'll strengthen thee, help thee and cause thee to stand
Upheld by My gracious, omnipotent hand.

"When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow,
For I will be with thee, thy trials to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

"The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no never, no never forsake!

I thank God for a good foundation in Him. We have been building from the Word, through prayer and in community a foundation that will not be shaken. We have had generations of family members before us who have shown us the importance of commiting to the Word and establishing truth in our lives. Cementing concepts, experiencing promises, fighting our enemy, rejoicing in victories, passing on the faith. We will not be uprooted by this adversity, this pain, this lose. I believe that He will "strengthen us, help us and cause us to stand." We may not look very beautiful right now, maybe we still cry frequently, our eyes are still puffy, we can't go to every event, we think about what could have been, but God's Word is true so I believe Luke 6:12 "Blessed are you that weep now, for you shall laugh"

THE GIANTS WIN!!

This seems to be very important to the men in my family. I, on the other hand, came from a family of three girls whose parents were interested in the arts, history and gardening. The opera, symphony, musicals, natural history and science museums, art museums,British history books and gardening were the main past time objectives in our home. But I have become a huge Yankee fan, thanks to my husband and three sons, and enjoy going to Yankee stadium. The trouble with the Giants seems to be that they are always breaking my men's hearts. They look good but right when you think they are going to win, some catastophe befalls them and they loose. I guess all is forgiven now that they won the Super Bowl.

Ethan called this morning very excited. He was in the thick of things in NYC last night(surprise, surprise). According to him, second avenue was completely taken over and he never hugged so many people in his life. Everybody was everyone's friend sharing this momentous occassion. He assures me that he will be talking to his children about last nights win in twenty years. He was even a bit hoarse this morning. When Elizabeth and I left last Friday there was a big sign at Yankee Stadium encouraging the Giants. New Yorkers stick together.