The Garden

"It is not what a man does that determines whether his work is sacred or secular, it is why he does it." A.W. Tozer

The backyard garden, planned for a wedding. A response to the love two people were pursuing, developing, growing.

The garden would be the venue for the reception. The celebration after the vows of commitment to each other, the Lord, and the family and friends who had witnessed the union. Beautiful music, delicious food, laughter, stories, prayers, dancing, fun.

And so I continue to create, plan, work, and appreciate the garden God has given me. Started in response to the love of two people and continued to reflect the wonder of life Father has given us. I see His interest in beauty, I learn more about plants and their response to their environment, I dream of different elements that would enhance the garden. It is where I go out to in the morning to read, study, be quiet, and listen.

So I extend an invitation to come sit in my garden with me, those that are passing by on a warm sunny day. Let us tell stories of God's goodness, see His creative beauty in the flowers, trees and shrubs, walk on the brick paths, rest on the sofas and chairs, listen to lovely music, laugh, drink cool rasberry ice tea and enjoy each other for a brief moment.

"Let a man sanctify the Lord in his heart and he can thereafter do no common act. For such a man, living itself will be sacramental and the whole world a sanctuary. His entire life will be a priestly ministration." A.W.Tozer

Mother's Day

It's a beautiful sunny day here.

The dozens of lilacs; deep purple, lavender, white, light blue, which have defined some yard boundaries, emit lovely, sweet strong scents.

And I'm so thankful that God has called me to be a mother. And that I have four unique wonderful children. But now they are adults, (still my children) and I'm blessed.

So many memories from years past.

Elizabeth, a young girl so strong and determined in her faith. Singing and worshiping at age 5, standing beside me as I was teaching a monthly Bible study in my home. Reading books on faith that her Grandfather brought for her dad and I to read.

Jon and Christian riding home from a visit to a nearby town in Pennsylvania, inquiring about God and Jesus. Arriving home and asking Rob and I to lead them to Christ. Kneeling with them and praying. Watching them grow in grace and truth. My gentle, creative and sensitive sons.

Ethan, so full of fun and energy and joy, every minute of his childhood. A person others are drawn to and delight in. Wanting to live intentionally for the Lord, now in a postion, in THE city to do so, and have great impact.

And I think of the scripture and know it is true:

"Don't you see that children are God's best gift?
the fruit of the womb his generous legacy?
Like a warrior's fistful of arrows
are the children of a vigorous youth.
Oh, how blessed are you parents,
with your quivers full of children!"

Yes, and amen!!

A GRACE SUSTAINED

The Scriptures are full of verses that tell us that our lives here are like a vapor.

As if someone breathes in and then out. That short, that transient.

That understanding seems like reality today. Today, May 8, 2008, six months since the accident that took Christian from Elizabeth, his family, his friends. Six months since Christian is gone from this visible, tangible world. But not from life.

They were in Italy six months ago.

And it seems impossible that Elizabeth, and those of the rest of us who orbited his sphere, have continued on for six months. Six months is a long time, isn't it? It is almost two seasons, winter and spring. But we have continued on, and I don't know how.

How is it possible that we have laughed at all, we've played games, we've read books, we've spoken on the phone, we've given and attended parties, we've sung songs, we've been to church, gone to work, we've taken trips and gone on vacations, we've planned futures?

I can not think how she has done that. Continued on through the penetrating and paralyzing lonliness.

November 8th is indelibly engraven on my heart. The transatlanic phone call at 7:00am, tearing me violently out of a tender long sleep. I was asleep, and unaware of something going terribly wrong to those I cherish so far away. The prayer, the calling out to the One we know, the intercession, the arrival of our church family, my husband home from surgery in the morning, the waiting, the unwanted, unimaginable phone call, the packing, the flight to Paris then Venice, the running up the path to the house, the flinging into each others arms, the crying, the sadness, the grief, the loss.

And yet we seem surrounded by grace, and strength. From Him and from each other.

Our lives come to us moment by moment. We take time for granted; we've had a past, we are in our present and we plan for our future. That is how we understand this thing called time, moment by moment, and our experience of it. But life is a gift, a treasure, a fragile delight.

It seems as if Elizabeth has lost all her tomorrows with Christian, but God has not. He is always in the present. I AM. And all His days are now. I know that He will never for one instant forget her or the rest of us, the pain experienced, the seperation endured, the future unknown as yet.

So we mark this day. We think and we cry a bit. It is not a beginning or a middle or an ending, but a road marker. We stop and seek His face and more of His sustaining grace. We continue to need it, we hunger and thirst after it. We can not go on without it.

And we know that Light has shined in the darkness and the darkness could not put it out.

We're back at 42

We're back from almost two weeks outside of the North Country. At least Liz and I have been gone that long. The boys met us for a week down in Hilton Head.

Our first stop was in Roanoke to see our dear friends the Story's and Brooks at their mountainside domain in the Blue Ridge Mountains. Absolutely gorgeous! We ate and talked and talked and continued talking the next morning until we had to continue on our journey to my sisters in Raleigh. Their basement is big enough to sleep the entire youth group from CFC, and Tom can take everyone hiking through the mountains just by stepping out their back door. I miss them here though.

We then headed out to Joan's and had a great time at P.F Changs and enjoyed her and Bobby's townhome and flowers which she had all planted already. We are so far behind in the changing of the seasons, they have already had spring and into summer now.

Then down to Hilton Head to stay with my Aunt Millie whose condominium is located right on the harbor. We had gorgeous sunsets and views of private sailboats and motorboats and the ferry, running back and forth to Dufuske Island. We unloaded the bikes and rode for miles on the wonderful bike trails that Hilton Head is famous for. My cousin and his wife came on the weekend which was a great surprise and a lot of fun. More talking, well into the wee hours of the morning. My men came Saturday from St. Kitts, NYC and Syracuse. We were all together. Yeah!!!! A mother's dream, especially when her children are grown and having responsible jobs!

Leigh came on Monday and we had a great time introducing her to the nuclear and extended family. Great aunts included. They go everywhere we do, although Peter would not let his mom go kayaking with us! Boo Hoo. She still wanted to go even though she's 85! It wasn't so long ago that both Aunt Millie and Aunt June were jet skiing around Higley. Go Aunts!!

The Skoglund clan came Tuesday, except for Lars. Studying and finals got in the way. And the vacation began in earnest. Lots of time by the pool. Us northern people have been starved of sun so we all indulged! Big time. There were a few with sunburns. No one seemed to care, except one who suffered more than the rest. We did crossword puzzles, created MANY Haiku's (thanks to Maja and Rob), played cribbage and speed scrabble. I think the speed scrabble was a little too intense for Leigh, but she was a good sport. Wonderful evenings out to restaurants with fantastic seafood. Walks on the beach, spa time, biking, TJ Maxx.

Most did the sunrise kayaking at 6:00am. We were treated to paddling with a multitude of dolphins right next to our kayaks and Elizabeth even saw a baby dopphin jump out of the water. And then at 6:23am there was an amazing sunrise right over the beach. Thank you Lord for the beauty of creation. Your handiwork is seen everywhere.

Rob and I biked on a national wildlife preserve right off the island and we saw an armadillo foraging along the path. He was so much fun to watch! On another bike ride we saw a huge turtle, giant blue heron and an alligator. We saw many pelicans and sea birds. I love the wildlife. We also visited life time friends, the Larsens and Kilgus's; over 40 years of continuous friendship and following the Lord together.

We arrived home to visit with a family from Texas who was here for a week visiting Laura. They had three little boys and I had so many memories of when my three sons were that age. One was even named Ethan. They enjoyed our little town, experienced small town friendliness and looked at real estate. We walked down to have pizza last night and ended with a visit to Morgan's Ice House to have our first ice cream cone of the season. And then they were off this morning, back to 90 degree weather in Waco.

And we are off to resume our ADL. I gardened for 10 hours straight yesterday. At 6:00pm they sent the troops out to pull me in. I must say my backyard garden is doing fairly well and it is so much fun to see plants popping out and shooting up. I got some wrought iron while in NC that I want to install in the garden. It's up to Rob to see how I can get it into a stable position. I'm bringing all our old windows down from the barn so Rob can visualize my concept of a greenhouse that I have my heart set on as part of the backyard garden. We'll see if that materializes.

Does anyone have any idea what Maja, Ethan and Jon are doing in the last picture? The three of them are so much fun!!!

First Bloom

The first white blooms of crocus's popped open two days ago. What a wonderful sight. A harbinger of things to come.

The daffodils and tulips are up and ready to produce a bloom. The trees and lilacs are budded.

And for the past two beautiful days I have raked tons of leaves and picked up branches from the yard. Swept pounds of sand off the driveway. Set out patio furniture. Freed the arborvitae around the brick patio, from it's protection of chicken wire and burlap. (Deer are a real hazard to greenery in downtown Canton) Watched the last vestige of snow in my garden disappear today. And generally set the outdoors of 42 East Main in order.

My lastest interest is to remove the chain link fence, which housed three kennels, (we are getting an invisible fence thanks to Liz) and begin to plan for a lovely little kitchen garden right off the back porch, all enclosed with a low white picket fence and lovely little gate.

The next dream is to build a green house in the backyard with all those old windows that are currently inhabiting the attic of the barn. The foundation and short walls will be made from the stacks of brick that we, by hand, loaded into our truck from the Reiters three years ago. I don't remember what we were going to do with those bricks originally but they have sat in between the barns for three years and now I have a great idea. The only thing missing is my partner in garden and landscaping crime....He is away again for most of this summer too. Who can grab onto my newest vision???

Laura actually sat outside today and got a sunburn. Wow, and it was just snowing last Sunday. The adventures of living in the North Country!

DESIRE

We sang and worshiped the Lord last night at church, the last night for Presbytery here at CFC. It was wonderful, liberating, joyful and refreshing. As we moved from song to song, one refrain rang out. "We are His desire". We read it on the overhead, we sang it with our voices, we heard it in our spirits.

Shouldn't we be singing He is our desire. Yes, we know He is. For those who have been redeemed we know, He is our desire. Where would we be without Him? Our confidence, our friend, our Savior, our King, our deliverer, our healer, our Restoration.

But no. We sang, we are His desire. And that is right and it is wonderful, almost too good to be true. Despite our sin, our indifference, our insistent on independence, we are His Desire. Our creator's desire is His creation. A relationship with Him, on a personal, intimate level.

And I was reminded of reading the book of Hosea last month. An account of redemption, sacrifice, and ultimate love.

The Prophet is told to go and take a wife who is a harlot. What? That does not make sense. But it is a story and a visual picture of how much God loves and seeks for us. And Hosea is obedient to his calling.

Gomer and Hosea are wed and they have a son. There are two other children who Hosea names but we don't really know if they are his. In fact, God tells him to name his last child Lo Ami, "not mine". Hosea is to love this woman as God loves the children of Israel.

In chapter 2 we see that Gomer has become a street walker again, and is unfaithful to Hosea. In chapter 3 she is for sale. She has sunk so low that now her current lover has her on the auction block. For sale as a slave. And God tells Hosea, "go again" and get her, buy her back.

"Go again," One more time. Show her my love. Show her how much she is worth. Show her how priceless she is. To me, to you.

Hosea pays an enormous price to get her back, financially, socially and emotionally. To love anyone with problems, issues, addictions, and sorted pasts requires a subsitutionary sacrifice. A love greater than ones self.

And so we see and understand how much we are God's desire through the prophecy of Hosea. We understand Isaiah 64 better; "Your maker is your husband".

We get a more complete picture of our relationship with the Lord. Yes, he is our King and we are his subjects. He is our great Shepherd and we are his sheep. He is our Father and we are his children. But now we are told we are his bride and we are His desire. A relationship so intimate, so personal, so tender, so life changing, so securing.

A marriage, a relationship of priority. That's what we are to Him. Just as I saw Christian rejoicing over Elizabeth as she walked down the isle of the church with organ music swelling, trumpets sounding and witnesses standing. God rejoices over us.

Just as Gomer found rest in her husband, Hosea's love, we find hope and purpose and rest in God's love and desire for us.

A beautiful passage:

Hosea 11:3 "It was I who taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by the arms, but they did not realize it was I who healed them. I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love; I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them."

A Request

As I am slowly but surely emerging out of this season of devestating grief and loss, and as one friend said, "at times, paralyzing sadness", I realize there are five other women who are experiencing those emotions, thoughts, lonliness and questions that Elizabeth is.

Yes, intectually and cognitively I have known that Elizabeth was not the only one. But their grief and sorrow and that of their family's has not entered my consciousness until now. I've been seeing only the loss in Canton and Racine.

But now..... And I am thinking about how all of them will do with personal holidays and celebrations; anniversaries, birthdays of spouse, children and self, and vacations without husbands and fathers.

So, I ask any of you that are still reading my blog if you would pray with me for these ladies and their children as they go through this next year of personal rememberances. I know that one lady had an anniversary last week and it was very hard. She has two children. Another lady has an anniversary next week and Elizabeth's anniversary is in July and Christian's birthday was in the beginning of August.

I have a few things on my heart for the group but I want to really get His heart for this situation, so if you think about me and have the energy, please include me as you pray. As I think about this accident, I realize that we are just a small microcosm of so many situations in our country and around the world. People and families going through tragedies and many without knowledge of His love. It really is a hurting world and as lights we need to reach out into the dark. Somehow. He is greater than death and sorrow.